Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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