she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
