lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my being single is dangerous.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
