Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
