Cold hands, warm shart.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
