i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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