R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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