i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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