God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
