my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
