we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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