I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
