just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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