i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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