I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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