before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
