I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
