Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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