shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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