Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
