Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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