Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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