Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
