Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
