Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
