Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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