do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
