i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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