I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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