I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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