put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
