marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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