She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
