4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
