mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
