My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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