I hate your face
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So. Much. Porn.
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