So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
