Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The struggles of a small town man whore
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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