OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
