I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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