So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
they need to just BURY HIM!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
