I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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