I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
