Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
