Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
