Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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