it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
