There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
