someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
birth control should be required to get into college
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
