I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was like eating out sand paper
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
