smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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