Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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