My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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