I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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