I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
