Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
