I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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