I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
