So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my phone needs a breathalizer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
