no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
