good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is wine microwaveable?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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