And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
