I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
