that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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