I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
