Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
