Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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