My hand turned me down
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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