it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
