she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
