just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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