I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
