please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
