If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
