We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
