I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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