True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize