I'm so fucking centered right now
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
