You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
