so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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