Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
